mortality coil

gushing
inspired energy springing from deep wells
a mirage of paradise
just over the next horizon
before you collapsed
you caught that slight glimpse
teasing you that you were almost there
before you lost it all.

the glimmer of that final light
heaven or nirvana
the face of god
random neural explosions
of a terrified cerebral cortex
sinking into the depths of oblivion
inescapable gravity
she never lets go
and so to her bossom you shall finally return

it isn't glorious
dramatic or even all that meaningfull
december chill sinks his teeth in
a vestige of life dribbles down
chin rests against chest
lungs exhale
eyes shutter
hands always so busy
open and release

lights wink out
the music falls quiet

dreaming of the spotless mind

my head is a jumble, my life is a jumble. i saw this movie "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" a long time ago with my girlfriend of the time. the movie is more or less about a guy who wants to get his memories of his x-girlfriend erased out of his head. and the only thing i could think about was how sad that was, and how i'd never want to get rid of all the good memories just to be freed from the bad. and now i've got that movie sitting on my harddrive. it's been sitting there for months, because there's this one song i want to find out what it's called. except that i've been somehow terrified to watch it. afraid of the memories it will dredge up. afraid of all the contrasts it will reveal. you see the whole relationship was a mistake, a gigantic huge left turn when i should have turned right, or gone straight, or turned around and gone back. anything. and somehow i have excised most of the memories, the good and the bad, because its the only way to get through the days. and i'm afraid that the intense feelings that were triggered by watching the movie the first time with her hand in mine, will trigger them again. and it hurts too much to feel for someone who feels nothing, to feel for something so completely lost, it was less than having nothing.

glasses + employment = better jason

i finally have a new pair of glasses. wearing contacts all the time was definitely getting on my nerves. unfortunately i have expensive tastes in frames. part of the exam involved getting eye drops in my eyes that caused them to dilate. i swear i haven't seen my eyes that huge in quite a while. i looked outside and instead of seeing a blue sky it was all white and glaring as if the whole sky had become the face of the sun. ouch.

also i believe i have a new job, working at Fry's Electronics in their computer department. i start next week. hopefully this is the end of overwhelming poverty for a little while...

Dj'ing a wedding is a lot of work

Normally when I'm dj'ing (in the techno/club meaning of the term) I'm the one choosing the music, the styles of music I choose represent the kind of dj I am. The worst thing you can do is come up to me and ask me to play a specific song or a specific genre. Now if you're familiar with the DJ, his style of mixing, the artists and tracks he likes, then you're allowed. I asked a dj if he could play a particular track that he had used in a mixtape, that was my favorite track at the time. He happily agreed, and proceeded to open up his set with that track!

Anyway, my point is that dj'ing at a wedding is not at all like this. I spent hours gathering tracks from albums and artists I'd never heard of that were favorites of the bride and groom and best men... Even though probably less than a quarter of that music was used. I had people coming up to me left and right asking for this track or that track. One girl came up with her CD binder, and wanted me to play several tracks off some CD she had burned. I have no idea of knowing what's on there, if it's recorded at a decent quality... so you just have to give it a try. One guy had no reservations expressing unhappiness that I didn't play a track that he wanted. But when the time is up, the time is up, I must pack up and go home!

Still it's interesting and fun to see the young and the old gettin' their groove on. It's a different kind of intensity, playing for the slightly intoxicated as opposed to the smashed out of their minds...

Pillow drama, Oprah Cult, Feline Cruelty all on one page!

Read all about it: "For similar reasons, I wound up washing my favorite pillow, which I have had for years. The pillow came to no harm, but because tgirsch doesn’t do laundry often, it never occurred to him to execute the “make sure the cat isn’t in the wash machine” step more than once. I checked before I put the pillow in, and even looked over and saw the cat across the room, then turned back to the machine, put the detergent in, closed the door, and started the machine. I then promptly went and took a shower.

Apparently, the time it takes to put detergent in a front-loading washer is more than enough time for a cat to sneak in there. Fortunately, since it was my favorite down pillow and I didn’t want to risk ruining it, I had the machine on the ultra-delicate cycle, which just gently rocks back and forth with cold water.


After my shower, a good ten minutes later, I heard some sick meowing, and saw a soaking wet cat staring at me through the door of the machine, all the while struggling to remain upright against the rocking of the machine.

Amazingly, the cat was none the worse for wear, and was indeed Tide fresh™. He’s just lucky I found him before the spin cycle kicked in."

Big government gets a little bigger, State govermnet gets a little smaller...

Regardless of how you feel about medical marijuana - I'm strongly for it - the Supreme Court case was really about the right to the federal government to tell states what to do. If the feds can forbid someone who grows pot in his own garden, sells none of it, uses it for his own medical use and is allowed to by his own state, it's still covered by the Interstate commerce exemption. Yeah, right.
www.AndrewSullivan.com - Daily Dish

Yet I guarantee you won't hear a peep out of Republicans who once upon a time were all for state's rights.

iTunes Top Tracks

I was looking for something that could automate this... but it doesn't seem to exist yet. But I was still interested in seeing what it looked like, so here it is... the album covers of the tracks that have the highest number of listens. Only one dj mix in the lot... which surprised me! I guess I'm still a NIN fan, and the Bjork albums tell me she's my #2 favorite artist.

Someone turned their computer case mod into a freakin' Tie Fighter. Their computer is built into the cockpit of the ship.

Burnned Bridges

Lots of time passes, and people make these decisions which make no sense at the time. But to them in the heat of the moment to them it was the only thing that made sense. And in the fire from that heat, some super strong stable bridge that you thought would be there forever is gone in flames, leaving scortched and blackened earth in its place. But that doesn't have to be the end of the story. Because once the heat is gone, and all that is left is ashes in the mouth, you scratch your head in confusion trying to figure any of it out. And then years pass, and you wonder how it could happen that so much good could be wrecked by such a tiny spark. And you see your friend on the other side of the chasm, you miss each other. So you pick up some wood, some hammer and nails, a saw, and you get to work building.

My PGP Public Key

Since I'm signing all my email now, I'm making my public key available.

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Saying good bye to my LJ!

No more LJ for me. I like Blogger, it's openness, its freeness, and its ability to exist on my own website. Automated interaction between Picassa is nice too, so it should be easier to post pictures.

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