for the first time since i was 10 i now have a game console. guitar hero forced me to buy an xbox 360. i love the guitar hero. i'm awesome on medium and atrocious on hard. the line between seems gigantic!
so many things to look forward to... Quentin Tarantino's new flick. A new Spiderman movie, a new Die Hard movie. The final Harry Potter book, my favorite Harry Potter book hacked and slashed to fit some sliver of its skeleton into a 3 hr movie most people think is an hour and a half too long. I think I'd prefer if they turned Order of the Phoenix into THREE movies. The game Spore is coming in September, and the next Grand Theft Auto game in October. Sopranos is coming back for one final encore.
i've been recording lots of piano music and i've played it for no one. i think i may have figured out that there's something very narcissistic about wanting others, especially friends, to hear my music. people are too busy to listen to something that's longer than 4 minutes. hell, half the tracks on my next piano album are over 6 minutes long. the longest clocks in at just under 13 and a half minutes.
it's all only for my own purposes at remaining sane. an easy nightmare for me is to imagine the loss of my hands or my hearing. i remember having lost everything, having no money, no friends, no one to acknowledge my existance, no proof that i ever even passed through. and then i'd walk into some strange coffee shop, and there'd be a piano there, with a sign on it saying that no one could play it. and i'd attempt to charm the barista to let me play just one song. well, if its only one song, okay.... and i'd play something like "Midnight Rain" a thirteen minute epic. and then i'd get up to give the barista the key and she'd be speechless. which is my favorite complement. and maybe the only one i can enjoy completely.
and maybe a stranger would walk up and thank me, maybe they would just stare (i prefer the staring, as long as you don't mind that i don't stare back). so many natalies and heathers in my life, they all flit away....
and so now live almost every moment as if it were ephemeral.
one last quiet treasure before its all utterly obliterated..
there's that scene from The Piano at the end, where the woman drowns herself with her cherished piano. if that isn't the most glorious way of ending your own life. in my mind, she died down there. and the "ending" of the movie was her hallucination as she drowned. somehow that seems more real to me.
